Well, here I am again. This morning rain is pouring down from the dark gray sky and it is quiet. The boys are off playing in their room together and Brooklynne is at preschool. I was sitting and doing some work on the computer and I felt compelled to come to this space so, here I am. I love looking back at old posts and seeing the pictures included in our activities. That is something that my journals can't accomplish for me; the pictures. Seeing Brooklynne's little hands helping me cook or the mischievous look in Josiah's eyes or Grayson's perfect little smirk. I come back to this space because it puts my thoughts and those precious images together. So here I am again.
In the time since I was last at this space I became a year older, 30. I must say that I have truly enjoyed this new age, even though I may have went into it begrudgingly. Over the past couple of years I feel as if I have been introduced to myself and the best part is I kind of love who I met. I gained a sense of who I am and I am proud of that person and make no apologies for that. Most importantly, I feel this deeper intimacy with Father God. I went from trying to do things on my own (and failing) to now not wanting to take a step without Him. Oh, how I still fail so often but oh how His grace is so sweet. I could write about His unfailing love for days on end. I could give testimony after testimony of how He has moved in our lives these past few years. I could on and on about times in worship and tasting His sweet presence. And the thing that I always come back to is "He loves me." Little ole me. He loved me when I was full of fear and could not find joy. He loved me when I tried to perform for Him when He only wanted a connection with me. Unconditionally He has loved me and He loves me. Friend, there is nothing like His love, nothing comes close.
In the time since I have been in this space we have also moved into a new home. A house that is right where we wanted to be. I am so happy here, but we didn't get into this place without learning some hard lessons on obedience and knowing who our Provider really is. I am so thankful for a Father who guides us and corrects us when we need it. Sometimes that correction doesn't always feel good, but it is so needed.
The kids and I fallen into such a routine since being closer to Brooklynne's school and our church as well as our family. I feel like I have really been finding my footing as a stay at home mom and it may have taken me two years to say that but that's okay. I still find myself struggling with maintaining relationships because I can become so introverted at times, it is something that I work on daily. It isn't always the easiest thing for me to text someone or give someone a call because my mind begins to overthink it all; better save all that for another day haha.
I have also become involved in the children's ministry at our church. God began to speak to me about children a couple of years ago but i didn't know what to do with the information he was giving me. I actually got frustrated because I just didn't feel like I was in a season or position to do anything about children's ministry. But God's grace is so good and He gently pointed out that I don't need to be qualified to be used by Him. So I jumped in and it has been quite the ride. I have been overwhelmed; but I learned to pray and to not try to control everything. I have been so excited and proud of the kids and I learned to praise Him for every little thing. I have been so lost and I learned to ask the body for help because I can't do it all on my own. So I have been very stretched but I feel like I have learned so much too.
Unintentionally, this turned into a catchup post; that's okay though. We have been busy but so happy and we have some big things coming up soon. Can't wait to share!
