On Saturday February 1, 2014 Josiah David and Grayson Charles joined our family. Just like with our first, Brooklynne, as soon as I laid eyes on them I couldn't remember life without them. In only eight short weeks they have brought so much joy into our lives. Watching Brooklynne blossom into the best big sister I could ever imagine and getting to see Jared with not only one but TWO sons has been such a gift.
When I found out I was pregnant with twins I truly was overjoyed and I must admit overwhelmed as well. However, one of the strongest emotions I dealt with was fear. With my first pregnancy I was unaware of all the things that could go wrong, but becoming pregnant the second time I was much more aware... too aware. I was especially nervous because of complications that tend to occur with multiples. I delivered the twins at 36 weeks and I really grew spiritually during that time. I began to turn to prayer every time I would feel that all too familiar emotion. I would call on Jesus when worries would interrupt my rest and can I tell you something amazing would happen every single time... peace. I would feel such a peace.
On Friday, January 31st I was more thankful for that peace than ever. I went in for my routine appointment. At this point I was going twice a week and sitting on the monitors. Both boys were head down and looking great at each appointment with the exception of Grayson, baby "B", measuring a little small. We were prepared for a vaginal birth with an induction at 37 weeks. I wasn't too nervous about this because I was induced with Brooklynne at 37 weeks. At this particular appointment my wonderful doctor wanted to do one last ultrasound before delivery to check on Grayson's size. As she scanned my belly and took measurements I realized that Grayson was no longer head down... he flipped into a breech position. My heart sank. Fear came in like a tidal wave. On top of that fluids were low and my doctor was concerned about how small he was measuring. I sat quietly for a moment before asking the question I was dreading... will I have to have a c-section? After some discussion we came to the conclusion that it would be in our best interest to have a cesarean and to have it soon.
The option was given to go to the hospital and have the surgery that day but I asked to wait at least until the next day and my doctor agreed. I went down the street to the hospital and registered for my check in the next day at 2pm. I drove home in a daze unable to think of anything else. We called and texted all of our family and cleaned and packed and most importantly tried to soak in every minute with Brooklynne knowing it would never be them same.
The next afternoon we dropped Brooklynne off with my parents, where she would stay for the next couple of days and when we got into the car to head to the hospital I lost it. I was worried about my daughter spending the night somewhere else for the first time ever, I was scared of this surgery, and I didn't know if I could really be a mother to three children. Jared was strong as usual, and as we held hands as he drove I prayed. That familiar peace swept in.
As I waited to be taken back to the operating room my emotions were all over the place; but soon enough I was taken into the bright white room and I just kept reminding myself to breathe. Jared joined me shortly and before I knew it I was staring at my beautiful boy Josiah as the doctor held him over the curtain. Next was sweet,tiny Grayson. Then they were taken away to be monitored since they were so early. Jared stayed close by them. Josiah was having some difficulty breathing and had to be taken into the nursery but joined us again around midnight.
One of my favorite moments was Brooklynne coming and meeting them for the first time. She proudly came in the room with her "big sister" shirt with gifts for each of them. In that moment I felt so complete.
The past eight weeks have gone so quickly as I suspected they would. There have been days where I have just been holding someone all day while household chores waited to be completed and there have been days where I can accomplish things on my to-do list. No matter what kind of day though at the end of it I always feel the same thing... thankful.
As I waited to be taken back to the operating room my emotions were all over the place; but soon enough I was taken into the bright white room and I just kept reminding myself to breathe. Jared joined me shortly and before I knew it I was staring at my beautiful boy Josiah as the doctor held him over the curtain. Next was sweet,tiny Grayson. Then they were taken away to be monitored since they were so early. Jared stayed close by them. Josiah was having some difficulty breathing and had to be taken into the nursery but joined us again around midnight.
One of my favorite moments was Brooklynne coming and meeting them for the first time. She proudly came in the room with her "big sister" shirt with gifts for each of them. In that moment I felt so complete.
The past eight weeks have gone so quickly as I suspected they would. There have been days where I have just been holding someone all day while household chores waited to be completed and there have been days where I can accomplish things on my to-do list. No matter what kind of day though at the end of it I always feel the same thing... thankful.
