Seeing double

On July 17, Jared and I had our first appointment for this pregnancy. I was so excited that he got to be there and was so nervous for the week leading up to it. I just couldn't wait to see that little heartbeat and my tiny baby.
We decided to leave Brooklynne with my in laws just in case something wasn't quite right. She is also very protective over mama and I didn't think she would understand someone poking all around on me. So Jared and I made the drive just the two of us and I made nervous small talk the whole time.
We were finally called back for our ultrasound. My anxiety was at an all time high and then we saw the little one and the beating heart. I was more than delighted. I could breathe.
Jokingly, I then asked " there is just one in there right?" My doctor said yes and then moved ever so slightly and BAM... There was another precious baby with another sweet beating heart. It was all too much, tears filled my eyes and I peeled my eyes away from the screen to my husband who had the most shocked face I have ever seen. We all just laughed.
When we came out of the ultrasound room all the nurses were smiling and congratulating us since they had heard the squeals. We walked out in a haze and sat in the car trying to figure out clever ways to tell our family.
The drive to my in laws felt never-ending, we just couldn't wait to share the news. And watching everyone's face as they looked at the ultrasound pictures and realized that they were looking at two babies was absolutely priceless and something I will never forget.

My Miracles

Finding out that I was pregnant with my second baby was the most shocking and happiest day. We had been trying so hard and for so long for this little one that when I saw the test turn positive I just couldn't believe it. If you are trying to conceive and having a difficult time seeing a negative test becomes the norm, though it hurts so badly every time.
After receiving some pretty negative news from some blood work I had done about ovulating I had been feeling pretty beat up, defeated and alone for a couple of weeks. I was letting myself stay in a dark place because I thought the idea of us having more children was going to be just that... An idea.
One night at one of my sister in laws houses I began to open up to a couple of them about it and the reality of our situation. They came and prayed for me around the kitchen table with their hands on my stomach. In that moment I just felt lighter. Not necessarily like I would get pregnant but that I would be okay no matter what. Driving home I told Jared about it and we talked about it all because I had been so numb.
The next few days with a renewed hope I began to call my doctors office to see what the next step would be. Unfortunately, for several days they were busy and unable to get back with me. Finally I decided to just try and make an appointment. A nurse got on the phone with me and was apologetic about everything and asked me to take another pregnancy test and then they would order a round of medication for me. I was annoyed. I had taken pregnancy tests! I didn't want to go through another negative test.And who said I wanted more medication!? I went to the store got a test and put Brooklynne down for a nap. I went and took the test and instantly... Positive! Tears instantly streamed down my face. I thought this was impossible. I just sat there and stared at it. Jared was at work and I had thought of all the cute ways I was going to tell him that he would be a father of two in the time leading up to this point but none of that mattered now, he had to know right that minute. I called him and through all my tears he somehow understood that our family was going to be growing. When he got home I went out and got more tests because I just never get tired of seeing that positive result.
I have thought a lot about why everything happened the way it did. Normally I would take tests even when I knew there was no chance I could be pregnant. I wouldn't have called the doctor so persistently because that's just not in my personality. A ton of little things like that. But I think about the journey that my heart with through, the stretching that I had to do, a renewed faith in God and I know that it was all for something.
And to my second (and third) little one, I love you so very much. Your daddy and I have prayed for you for so long and we are overjoyed to have you as a part of our lives. You have already taught your mama so much.



This post was written before I found out I was having twins, I just wanted to remember every moment an lesson through out this journey.

Sisters

Growing up I desperately wanted a sister. It would be my birthday wish as I blew out my candles and my prayer at night. I have two older brothers who I appreciate much more now but I just felt like there was no way for them to "get me" when I was growing up. I wanted a sister that I could tell all of my secrets to and talk about boys. Someone who's clothes I could steal and would straighten my hair in the back. I just wanted that bond.
I was the baby of the family and never got that sister, however, God did something pretty amazing. I fell in love with a wonderful man who loves his family and happens to have seven of the most awesome sisters anyone could ask for. They have taken me in and truly been sisters to me. They are the ones I call with good news and the ones that will pray and be there for me in sad times. They are so much more than I could have even imagined a sister being.

Writing

This morning I wrote. I have not just sat down and written in a very long time but it felt very good. I needed it. When I was younger all I would do was write. Songs, journals, prayers, lists, and dreams; when I needed a safe place I would write.
Somewhere around getting married and starting my family the writing slowed and eventually just stopped. I just didn't need it anymore. I will still go through my old notebooks and laugh at my younger, naive self and occasionally weep with a sad, lonely girl.
This morning when I wrote it was like being reacquainted with an old friend who never really left; like seeing some one that you haven't seen in months and realizing that you missed them like crazy. Putting pen to paper made me smile and helped let go of some things I have been carrying. It was just freeing.
Recently, Brooklynne has been spending her days scribbling and writing in notebooks. Her face is serious and she is so proud as she flips from one scribbled page to the next blank page. This makes my heart full, I know it's just scribbles but to her it's everything.

I Will Bring Praise

           I have mentioned here before that we are trying to have another baby. Due to irregular cycles it is a little bit harder for Jared and me than the average couple. A few weeks ago I tracked my ovulation and had everything down to the day. I was feeling hopeful and at 3:30 this morning I jumped up to take what I would hope to be a life changing pregnancy test... Only one line appeared and my heart quickly broke into a million pieces.
         I crawled back into my bed and couldn't hold back the tears burning behind my eye lids. In the next few moments I felt so many emotions. Angry, sad, shocked, guilty... Just broken. Jared being the rock that he is just held me and let me cry. He knew what I needed. He was quiet only moving to wipe my tears every so often. When I was finally able to pull myself together I asked him to pray for me. So we laid together and whispered prayers thanking God for what we have and declaring that we still choose to have faith in Him and his timing even in trying moments.
        Afterwards, I truly felt like a weight was taken off me. I'm sure I will have moments when I will feel that broken feeling again but I am choosing to praise God despite any of my circumstances. Instead of allowing all of those negative thoughts to flood my mind to decide to pray first. The pregnancy test didn't give me the result that I am longing for but maybe it is going to be "life changing" after all; "life changing" in the way that I won't allow a result or circumstance to dictate my joy and that I choose to praise Him in happy and joyful times or sad and dark times.
       And if you just stumbled upon this blog and need someone to pray for you please contact me. Prayer changes things, I promise. I still may have the same negative result but after prayer and time with God I don't have the same shattered heart. So, no matter what the need is contact me and I will pray for you.

Thanks for reading,
Amanda

Black and White

       Today I was able to complete a little bow dress that has been cut and waiting to sewn for quite some time. It feels so good to finish something in my "to do" pile!

          I am loving this graphic black and white print. It will look so cute layered with a shirt and bright tights for a pop of color while its still cooler or adorable all by itself in the summertime.
         The plan as of right now is to open an Etsy store before the end of the month but I'm not making any promises ;) I will defiantly keep you updated!

Baby Boom

           It seems like every week I learn of a new family member or friend who is expecting or a new little one has just been born. It is funny how these times seem to come in waves. Just a few years ago everyone was getting engaged and married and now we are all having babies.
          A good friend of mine had her third baby a couple of weeks ago, a sweet little girl. Even after having a couple of babies she couldn't find a nursing cover that she was happy with. I have made a couple of nursing covers in the past for my family so I decided to make one as a gift for her.
          I used this pattern from sew much ado for the dimensions and general details. I love that there is boning that comes out just enough for mama to take a peek at baby. I decided to add a satin lining so it would be smooth and cool to the touch for baby and mama. The outer material is a light home decor fabric that will hold up well after many washes.

        This nursing cover is very large. I am tall but it gives great coverage. Especially if you are having to chase around toddlers!

        And even though it has been warm here I couldn't resist crocheting a hat for the new little girl. It was a simple little project that was completed in a couple of hours.  I think these vibrant colors will look darling on her!

Thanks for reading!

Amanda