Transparent

      Well hello there!  It has been quite awhile since my last post.  We have been pretty busy as usual but I wouldn't have it any other way.  I'm sitting here next to my 20 month old who is fighting a cold that is letting me cuddle her more than I have been able to in weeks and my incredible husband who loves me just the way that I am.  Life isn't perfect and I don't understand a lot of things going on in our lives but honestly with all the frustrations I wouldn't change anything; well except that pesky little cold ;)
       I haven't been able to be at my sewing machine and I don't have anything on my knitting needles but that is okay.  This is a season in my life where I am figuring it all out.  I have never been good with time management and throwing a husband and toddler into the mix is challenging me even more but I will enjoy this time and am determined to learn from this.
        Since we are getting so personal here I feel that I should just be completely transparent.  I've been having some pretty tough days.  Jared and I have been trying for another baby.  There I said it, it's out there.  This is no secret to my family but to friends and people that I am not too close to I usually will make a joke when the topic of more children comes up.  I know that it will happen and I know that there will be moments when I have another little babe in the house when I will have a moment of "what was I thinking" but somedays my optimism fades a little. And I have the horrible thoughts of "what ifs" and "why is it so hard for us".
       So why be so open?  To be honest it doesn't make me feel any better right now just insecure.  However, I know I will look back on this and be reminded of God's love.  I will remember the arms of my heavenly father around me in my darker moments and know that he will always take care of me.  See, as humans it is so easy for us to think we know what is best or the right time for something but I'm learning (slowly) that I just don't know it all.  I know that is shocking, right?  hehe
        I know I could just write this in a journal never to be seen by anyone else's eyes but maybe one day someone will come across this and it will help them.  I know there is no big revelation here and I'm sure that my writing and bad grammar won't change anyone's life but this is honest and raw.  My heart.  It is so easy to read blogs and look at facebook statuses and Instagram pictures (all things that I love) and get this picture perfect idea of someone's life; I have been guilty of this in the past.  People don't share the hard,difficult times and that's okay; but I am.  I want this place to be honest.  To truly experience joy we all go through some pain.
         Thanks for reading and even though I won't apologize for this post I promise that they won't all have this tone.  I have some craft fall projects floating around in my head that I'm dying to share!

Amanda