In the Kitchen

     When I found out that I was having a girl when I was pregnant with Brooklynne my mind immediately began to daydream of all the things I would do with her.  Teaching her to sew, crochet and knit .  Making mud pies and having tea parties, there were so many things that I began looking forward to and it has been so fun to begin to do those things.

        A few days ago Brooklynne and I had a date in the kitchen whipping up some Rice Krispy treats. Once I just came to terms that this was going to be a sticky mess we had a blast together; we even had to bust out some sprinkles!  Watching her count each cup of cereal that she dumped in the bowl and sneak marshmallows was surreal because it was something that was only a dream a few short years ago.  

       The sweet, sticky treat wasn't her favorite to eat but she was beyond excited to deliver them to Grand dad and MeMe.  She helped me wrap each square and filled a basket and then began to beg to take them to her grand parents house.  How can you resist that!? 

(ETA: This was during a small kitchen remodel, that's why the walls look so terrible!)

One Year Later

    July first marked one year of finding out that I was pregnant for the second time.  That day I couldn't help but reflect over the past year and the weeks leading up to one of the best days of my life.  As I replayed all my frustrations and tears in my head I remember how desperate I felt.   Sadly, I felt so alone at times and although I knew Jared was wanting to expand our family as well I convinced myself that there was no possible way that he could really understand.  I replayed my fears, that something must be really wrong with me.  That since it didn't happen in the past 18 months or more then it wasn't going to happen.  My sadness replayed in my head that Brooklynne may never have a sibling.  My anger that I desperately tried to mask was right there being replayed.  And even sitting with two beautiful healthy boys with me I almost got sad again....almost, but then I reflected on how much God really helped me grow in that time.  The way I learned in almost two years to lean not on my own understanding, to be vulnerable with others, the compassion that I gained for other couples.  How He loves me enough and how His grace is enough.  I've seen the way my relationship with my husband has been strengthened, that we learned to pray first.  And all I could think at the end of the day was God is so, so, so good.  

    Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says The Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."

A Happy Fourth

       This past weekend was a full,  fun one as we celebrated the fourth.  What could be better than slow cooked ribs and grilled chicken? Not to mention hand cranked home made ice cream.  Can you tell holidays are all about the food for me?!  Well the food and some wonderful family time too! 

 

 

      We started out the day by waking slowly and just hanging out at the house together just the five of us (I still have to double count because I can not believe we are a family of five!).  Then we headed over to my parent's place for some time in the kiddie pool for Brooklynne and some good eating for us grown ups.  The boys seem to have some of the same temperaments as Brooklynne and really prefer to only sleep in their beds so it's always a bit of a struggle to get them to take a nap when we are out and about, however, a five month old needs a nap, but two five month olds absolutely, positively must have a nap!  So I put Josiah in the Ergo, his favorite place, and Jared had sweet Grayson and they both had a nice little rest.  Soon after that we headed to my in laws.  I love that the dynamic between our two families is so different.  At my parent's home it's just our three children but not at my in laws!  They are almost at thirty grandchildren!  And I am so happy to say that at family get togethers (which are quite often) most of them are there!   It's always loud, crazy, fantastic fun.  We spent the rest of the evening there eating some more and sitting outside watching the kids run all over the backyard.    

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

          Brooklynne doesn't like the loud, booming sound of fireworks so we headed home just before dark and got all the kids to bed.  As Jared and I sat and just watched tv together I couldn't help but feel so incredibly thankful.  For our children and family and for him.  Any holiday really turns me into a sap!  Getting all the extra time with family and a day to just be is such a gift.  

 

Lunch Time: Tilapia

   I'm going to try and start a new series here about my lunches for myself and Brooklynne.  Every since I decided to make myself lunch everyday I really look forward to that time.

    I thought I would start out with a simple recipe that I can not believe I loved.  Baked tilapia.  If you know me well you would know that I do not like fish... I thought.  For whatever reason I decided to give it another try after seeing a post on Instagram and I am so glad I did!  

     This is a really easy dish that I can see myself making regularly for lunch, I would say dinner but Jared is not as open minded as I am ;)

Baked Tilapia with Yellow Squash and Peppers:  

1 frozen Tilapia filet

1 yellow squash, chopped

1 red or yellow pepper, chopped (I used both)

Olive oil 

Salt & pepper

Lemon juice

Lemon pepper

Lay filet on foil with squash on one side and the peppers on the other.  Lightly drizzle olive oil and lemon juice.  Season with salt, pepper and lemon pepper (or whatever you have on hand).  Bake at 400 for 30 mintues.

I really enjoyed this and there isn't a strong fishy taste.  If you think you don't like fish it may be worth giving it a shot!

Taking Care of Myself

       Mothering three children has been a much smoother transition than I thought it would be.  I had expectations that I would be struggling and watching the clock for daddy to come home.  It has been anything but that; have there been hard days... YES! Incredibly hard.  But the thing is I absolutely love it.  I feel more like myself than I ever have, like I am really discovering who I am as a mother.

      However, one thing I noticed in the past two months is how easy it is as a mother not to take care of myself.  Before I know it it's 5 o'clock and all I've had to eat was a handful of goldfish and whatever Brooklynne left on her plate from lunch.  I learned pretty quickly that for me that isn't going to cut it.  I need regular showers and to nourish my body and mind.  

        I've been making an effort in the kitchen everyday for lunch and taking time to just sit for a few minutes at nap time instead of running around like a mad woman trying to complete every chore; if it doesn't get done it will still be there later.  I went and got a much needed hair cut too.  We took about 15 inches off and I felt so refreshed.  Also, I decided to join a gym.  Last night I went for the first time and as hard as it was to leave all of my babies I needed that hour to clear my head and feel good about myself.

          Brooklynne mimics everything I do and I watch her with her baby dolls pretending to be a mother.  I want to show her that as women it is so easy to put ourselves last but that we need to take care of ourselves too.  I came home last night with more energy and feeling good about myself... And realllllly sore haha!  

      I'll be sharing some of my easy, healthy lunches.  I've had a lot more energy since tweaking my diet.  

And Then There Were Five

   

   

      On Saturday February 1, 2014 Josiah David and Grayson Charles joined our family.  Just like with our first, Brooklynne, as soon as I laid eyes on them I couldn't remember life without them.  In only eight short weeks they have brought so much joy into our lives. Watching Brooklynne blossom into the best big sister I could ever imagine and getting to see Jared with not only one but TWO sons has been such a gift.

      When I found out I was pregnant with twins I truly was overjoyed and I must admit overwhelmed as well.  However, one of the strongest emotions I dealt with was fear.  With my first pregnancy I was unaware of all the things that could go wrong, but becoming pregnant the second time I was much more aware... too aware.  I was especially nervous because of complications that tend to occur with multiples.  I delivered the twins at 36 weeks and I really grew spiritually during that time.  I began to turn to prayer every time I would feel that all too familiar emotion.  I would call on Jesus when worries would interrupt my rest and can I tell you something amazing would happen every single time... peace.  I would feel such a peace.  

      On Friday, January 31st I was more thankful for that  peace than ever.  I went in for my routine appointment.  At this point I was going twice a week and sitting on the monitors. Both boys were head down and looking great at each appointment with the exception of Grayson, baby "B", measuring a little small.  We were prepared for a vaginal birth with an induction at 37 weeks.  I wasn't too nervous about this because I was induced with Brooklynne at 37 weeks.  At this particular appointment my wonderful doctor wanted to do one last ultrasound before delivery to check on Grayson's size.  As she scanned my belly and took measurements I realized that Grayson was no longer head down... he flipped into a breech position.  My heart sank.  Fear came in like a tidal wave.  On top of that fluids were low and my doctor was concerned about how small he was measuring.  I sat quietly for a moment before asking the question I was dreading... will I have to have a c-section?  After some discussion we came to the conclusion that it would be in our best interest to have a cesarean and to have it soon.  

      The option was given to go to the hospital and have the surgery that day but I asked to wait at least until the next day and my doctor agreed.  I went down the street to the hospital and registered for my check in the next day at 2pm.  I drove home in a daze unable to think of anything else.  We called and texted all of our family and cleaned and packed and most importantly tried to soak in every minute with Brooklynne knowing it would never be them same.

       The next afternoon we dropped Brooklynne off with my parents, where she would stay for the next couple of days and when we got into the car to head to the hospital I lost it.  I was worried about my daughter spending the night somewhere else for the first time ever, I was scared of this surgery, and I didn't know if I could really be a mother to three children.  Jared was strong as usual, and as we held hands as he drove I prayed.  That familiar peace swept in.
      As I waited to be taken back to the operating room my emotions were all over the place; but soon enough I was taken into the bright white room and I just kept reminding myself to breathe.  Jared joined me shortly and before I knew it I was staring at my beautiful boy Josiah as the doctor held him over the curtain. Next was sweet,tiny Grayson.  Then they were taken away to be monitored since they were so early.  Jared stayed close by them.    Josiah was having some difficulty breathing and had to be taken into the nursery but joined us again around midnight.

       One of my favorite moments was Brooklynne coming and meeting them for the first time. She proudly came in the room with her "big sister" shirt with gifts for each of them.  In that moment I felt so complete.
      The past eight weeks have gone so quickly as I suspected they would.  There have been days where I have just been holding someone all day while household chores waited to be completed and there have been days where I can accomplish things on my to-do list.  No matter what kind of day though at the end of it I always feel the same thing... thankful.

Three

Today our little Brooklynne turns three. It sounds so cliche but I just can not believe how fast it has gone by. It feels like one moment we were longing to hold her as lamps kept her only four pound self warm and the next moment we are chasing her around and laughing at all the new things that come out of her mouth daily.

At three Brooklynne is one amazing little soul. She is kind, funny, sassy, and timid. She is a big daddy's girl, he is the first person she asks for when she wakes up. She has an intense love for her brothers already and is so protective over mommy. Art is her favorite followed very closely by singing and helping me in the kitchen. She could spend all day outside, especially if she is with her granddad (who will do anything she says).

I look at her and my heart swells. What an honor to raise this girl. To watch her thrive and grow into her own. To see her learning and grasping new things is truly a gift that I am determined not to take for granted.

To my sweet girl,

I can not begin to tell you how much I love you. My life would not be complete without you. You are one amazing little girl. Sometimes I just watch you in wonder. My favorite is watching you figure things out with a determination in your eyes, you do not like to give up and I admire that. You are a gentle soul that is always asking me if I am okay even if I just cough, may we all have a heart like yours. I can not leave out that spunky attitude of yours, often daddy and I are fighting back giggles as we have to get on to you. We are so proud of you dear and can not wait to see you blossom as you become a big sister. Happy birthday boos.

Love,

Mommy and daddy

I'm So Proud of You

    

 

 
 

      About six months ago I began trying to potty train Brooklynne.  I didn't know where to begin and she had little to no interest.  After a frustrating few days we decided to give it a rest.  We tried to pick it up here and there in the following months, however, I must admit that being early on in my pregnancy I was lacking the energy and motivation.  

      A couple of weeks ago I noticed Brooklynne becoming more and more independent and acting more like the three year old that she will soon be and not so much like young two year old so I knew it was time.  To my surprise it came pretty easily for us!  Everything seemed to "click" for her.  We spent a few days at home and celebrated every potty.  When we did start going out I was super nervous and didn't want her to slip back into the ease of diapers but turns out she much prefers her big girl undies and let me know she only sleeps in pull ups....ummm okay kid!  

       After every potty I would look at her and say "I'm so proud of you Brooklynne" and she would grin ear to ear.  Since she pretty much goes on her own now I haven't told her that every time, but today she came up to me after going and says "I'm so proud of you mommy"... Yeah I melted and then grinned ear to ear.  Thank you my dear, we did it together.  

2014

     I love the idea of a fresh start that a new year brings.  I am particularly excited about this year as we anticipate the birth of our boys next month.  I am big on resolutions and goals anytime but each new year I find myself meditating on where I want to see myself grow throughout the year.  As I have been thinking for the past week or so I keep coming back to simply being thankful and recognizing everything I have.  Jared and I truly are blessed but I must admit in stressful moments it is hard for me to acknowledge it.   So even though I have about one hundred goals for the new year I have to say the most important one to me is finding thankfulness daily.