28 Weeks

       This past Friday marked my 28th week in pregnancy. I love this time in pregnancy when you aren't too uncomfortable and you can feel the babies kicking and moving constantly. Since I am pregnant with twins my doctor wants to induce at 37 weeks so it is insane to think I have less than nine weeks! I am so ready to meet these little guys and ready to see Brooklynne become a big sister.
      Sometimes I have these moments when I just panic thinking about a toddler and two newborns in our home. Thoughts about feeding two or burping two or ever leaving the house again pop into my mind, but I am able to calm down pretty quickly just thinking about all those sweet newborn moments times two.
      This pregnancy is still a breeze compared to my first. The hardest part has become how heavy my belly feels. At the last ultrasound it was estimated that Josiah was about 2 pounds and Grayson was about 1 pound 14 ounces. This was a few weeks ago so it's safe to say that combined they are four pounds or over. when Brooklynne was born she was 4 pounds exactly so it feels so different this time. Naturally, my stomach is much larger this time. At 28 weeks I am bigger than I ever was with Brooklynne and I am completely okay with that! Comments are already coming from strangers when they ask how far along I am and think I am bigger than I should be and right now it makes me laugh (I'm sure that will change!), sometimes people just don't know what to say!
       We have pretty much all the essentials for the boys already and now I just have to finish up in their room while I still have the energy. I have lots of plans as always and hope to mark a few things off my list this week. Hopefully I will be sharing some pictures of the nursery soon!

18 weeks

Having my twin boys growing inside of me has been such a gift. The past 18 weeks have flown by and all I can think about is meeting them and watching our Brooklynne transition into becoming a big sister. This pregnancy has been so much easier than my pregnancy with Brooklynne. I haven't been nearly as sick, no fainting in cornfields ;), and I am able to keep food down (something that I couldn't be happier about!).
However, I do find myself much more of a mess emotionally and mentally this time. Perhaps it is because it is my second pregnancy and I am so much more aware of what could go wrong; or because of all the complications that I seem to be reading about with twin pregnancies. I have to constantly put myself in check and remind my self of who my God is. I think back to the months and months of wanting to be pregnant and the heart ache and I know that everything will be fine. This may very well be my last pregnancy and I am determined to enjoy it.

A new bed for a big girl

Since finding out we are expecting twins Jared and I have talked a lot about the impact their arrivals will have on our sweet girl. She has been the center of attention for nearly three years and adding two will certainly be a huge adjustment.
We are trying to be wise about the changes we have to make and when to make them. This past weekend we decided it was time to get Brooklynne in a big girl bed so she could learn some more independence, like getting up on her own, and so we could move her huge crib out and move her toys from the soon to be boys room into her room.
Brooklynne loved her crib and absolutely never tried to climb out so we had little to no motivation to rock the boat. Plus, getting to lay her in her crib every night made her still seem like a baby and not the growing toddler that she is.
Friday evening Jared took her crib down and Brooklynne happily told her crib "bye bye, love you". We went to our family's house for dinner and when we came home Brooklynne walked in her room ready to be tucked in but was not happy at all when she didn't see her beloved crib. There were a lot of tears and asking for the baby bed, she also told us she was scared. It broke our hearts. We all camped out in her room on the floor to keep her calm. After only 45 minutes or so she reluctantly crawled into her bed. Jared and I then snuck out individually.
Since that night it has honestly been a breeze. She loves her big girl bed and it didn't effect her naps at all (my biggest fear!). We are so proud of her although it does break my mama heart to see her so grown up.
Next up... Getting serious with potty training. I don't know if my heart will be so sad to see diaper changes go hehe. Of course in just a few months I will have plenty more diapers just in case!

Seeing double

On July 17, Jared and I had our first appointment for this pregnancy. I was so excited that he got to be there and was so nervous for the week leading up to it. I just couldn't wait to see that little heartbeat and my tiny baby.
We decided to leave Brooklynne with my in laws just in case something wasn't quite right. She is also very protective over mama and I didn't think she would understand someone poking all around on me. So Jared and I made the drive just the two of us and I made nervous small talk the whole time.
We were finally called back for our ultrasound. My anxiety was at an all time high and then we saw the little one and the beating heart. I was more than delighted. I could breathe.
Jokingly, I then asked " there is just one in there right?" My doctor said yes and then moved ever so slightly and BAM... There was another precious baby with another sweet beating heart. It was all too much, tears filled my eyes and I peeled my eyes away from the screen to my husband who had the most shocked face I have ever seen. We all just laughed.
When we came out of the ultrasound room all the nurses were smiling and congratulating us since they had heard the squeals. We walked out in a haze and sat in the car trying to figure out clever ways to tell our family.
The drive to my in laws felt never-ending, we just couldn't wait to share the news. And watching everyone's face as they looked at the ultrasound pictures and realized that they were looking at two babies was absolutely priceless and something I will never forget.

My Miracles

Finding out that I was pregnant with my second baby was the most shocking and happiest day. We had been trying so hard and for so long for this little one that when I saw the test turn positive I just couldn't believe it. If you are trying to conceive and having a difficult time seeing a negative test becomes the norm, though it hurts so badly every time.
After receiving some pretty negative news from some blood work I had done about ovulating I had been feeling pretty beat up, defeated and alone for a couple of weeks. I was letting myself stay in a dark place because I thought the idea of us having more children was going to be just that... An idea.
One night at one of my sister in laws houses I began to open up to a couple of them about it and the reality of our situation. They came and prayed for me around the kitchen table with their hands on my stomach. In that moment I just felt lighter. Not necessarily like I would get pregnant but that I would be okay no matter what. Driving home I told Jared about it and we talked about it all because I had been so numb.
The next few days with a renewed hope I began to call my doctors office to see what the next step would be. Unfortunately, for several days they were busy and unable to get back with me. Finally I decided to just try and make an appointment. A nurse got on the phone with me and was apologetic about everything and asked me to take another pregnancy test and then they would order a round of medication for me. I was annoyed. I had taken pregnancy tests! I didn't want to go through another negative test.And who said I wanted more medication!? I went to the store got a test and put Brooklynne down for a nap. I went and took the test and instantly... Positive! Tears instantly streamed down my face. I thought this was impossible. I just sat there and stared at it. Jared was at work and I had thought of all the cute ways I was going to tell him that he would be a father of two in the time leading up to this point but none of that mattered now, he had to know right that minute. I called him and through all my tears he somehow understood that our family was going to be growing. When he got home I went out and got more tests because I just never get tired of seeing that positive result.
I have thought a lot about why everything happened the way it did. Normally I would take tests even when I knew there was no chance I could be pregnant. I wouldn't have called the doctor so persistently because that's just not in my personality. A ton of little things like that. But I think about the journey that my heart with through, the stretching that I had to do, a renewed faith in God and I know that it was all for something.
And to my second (and third) little one, I love you so very much. Your daddy and I have prayed for you for so long and we are overjoyed to have you as a part of our lives. You have already taught your mama so much.



This post was written before I found out I was having twins, I just wanted to remember every moment an lesson through out this journey.

Sisters

Growing up I desperately wanted a sister. It would be my birthday wish as I blew out my candles and my prayer at night. I have two older brothers who I appreciate much more now but I just felt like there was no way for them to "get me" when I was growing up. I wanted a sister that I could tell all of my secrets to and talk about boys. Someone who's clothes I could steal and would straighten my hair in the back. I just wanted that bond.
I was the baby of the family and never got that sister, however, God did something pretty amazing. I fell in love with a wonderful man who loves his family and happens to have seven of the most awesome sisters anyone could ask for. They have taken me in and truly been sisters to me. They are the ones I call with good news and the ones that will pray and be there for me in sad times. They are so much more than I could have even imagined a sister being.

Writing

This morning I wrote. I have not just sat down and written in a very long time but it felt very good. I needed it. When I was younger all I would do was write. Songs, journals, prayers, lists, and dreams; when I needed a safe place I would write.
Somewhere around getting married and starting my family the writing slowed and eventually just stopped. I just didn't need it anymore. I will still go through my old notebooks and laugh at my younger, naive self and occasionally weep with a sad, lonely girl.
This morning when I wrote it was like being reacquainted with an old friend who never really left; like seeing some one that you haven't seen in months and realizing that you missed them like crazy. Putting pen to paper made me smile and helped let go of some things I have been carrying. It was just freeing.
Recently, Brooklynne has been spending her days scribbling and writing in notebooks. Her face is serious and she is so proud as she flips from one scribbled page to the next blank page. This makes my heart full, I know it's just scribbles but to her it's everything.

I Will Bring Praise

           I have mentioned here before that we are trying to have another baby. Due to irregular cycles it is a little bit harder for Jared and me than the average couple. A few weeks ago I tracked my ovulation and had everything down to the day. I was feeling hopeful and at 3:30 this morning I jumped up to take what I would hope to be a life changing pregnancy test... Only one line appeared and my heart quickly broke into a million pieces.
         I crawled back into my bed and couldn't hold back the tears burning behind my eye lids. In the next few moments I felt so many emotions. Angry, sad, shocked, guilty... Just broken. Jared being the rock that he is just held me and let me cry. He knew what I needed. He was quiet only moving to wipe my tears every so often. When I was finally able to pull myself together I asked him to pray for me. So we laid together and whispered prayers thanking God for what we have and declaring that we still choose to have faith in Him and his timing even in trying moments.
        Afterwards, I truly felt like a weight was taken off me. I'm sure I will have moments when I will feel that broken feeling again but I am choosing to praise God despite any of my circumstances. Instead of allowing all of those negative thoughts to flood my mind to decide to pray first. The pregnancy test didn't give me the result that I am longing for but maybe it is going to be "life changing" after all; "life changing" in the way that I won't allow a result or circumstance to dictate my joy and that I choose to praise Him in happy and joyful times or sad and dark times.
       And if you just stumbled upon this blog and need someone to pray for you please contact me. Prayer changes things, I promise. I still may have the same negative result but after prayer and time with God I don't have the same shattered heart. So, no matter what the need is contact me and I will pray for you.

Thanks for reading,
Amanda

Black and White

       Today I was able to complete a little bow dress that has been cut and waiting to sewn for quite some time. It feels so good to finish something in my "to do" pile!

          I am loving this graphic black and white print. It will look so cute layered with a shirt and bright tights for a pop of color while its still cooler or adorable all by itself in the summertime.
         The plan as of right now is to open an Etsy store before the end of the month but I'm not making any promises ;) I will defiantly keep you updated!

Baby Boom

           It seems like every week I learn of a new family member or friend who is expecting or a new little one has just been born. It is funny how these times seem to come in waves. Just a few years ago everyone was getting engaged and married and now we are all having babies.
          A good friend of mine had her third baby a couple of weeks ago, a sweet little girl. Even after having a couple of babies she couldn't find a nursing cover that she was happy with. I have made a couple of nursing covers in the past for my family so I decided to make one as a gift for her.
          I used this pattern from sew much ado for the dimensions and general details. I love that there is boning that comes out just enough for mama to take a peek at baby. I decided to add a satin lining so it would be smooth and cool to the touch for baby and mama. The outer material is a light home decor fabric that will hold up well after many washes.

        This nursing cover is very large. I am tall but it gives great coverage. Especially if you are having to chase around toddlers!

        And even though it has been warm here I couldn't resist crocheting a hat for the new little girl. It was a simple little project that was completed in a couple of hours.  I think these vibrant colors will look darling on her!

Thanks for reading!

Amanda

A Knitted Bear

     

       A couple of weeks ago I knit my first stuffed animal! I was pretty excited that I was able to accomplish this and it wasn't nearly as complicated as I originally anticipated.
        I have a friend who will be having her first child in a couple of weeks, a little boy, and I really wanted to send her a little package near the end of her pregnancy filled with little things for the hospital that she may forget or not think about and of course something for baby boy! So after deciding it may be much to warm for a knitted hat I decided on trying my hand at a little knitted bear. I found this pattern on Etsy and it is very easy to read and great for a beginning knitter that maybe has a couple of projects under their belt. The most complicated stitches are the increases and decreases. It was a fun project that I was able to compete in a weekend working on it pretty diligently, however, most would probably complete this much faster as I am not the fastest knitter :)
        So now I just have to think of all the things I wish I had during my hospital stay with Brooklynne. What are some must haves for you after baby?

We're still here

For the past week or so our little family seems to have caught a little cold or something. Unfortunately, it hit us all at once and what we thought were just allergies from unseasonably warm weather was actually annoying colds that linger on.
Poor Brooklynne has been dealing with her two year molers coming in as well, however, she is handling it like a champ! Doing much better than I would, I'm sure :)
This morning I got to sneak her into bed with me after daddy left for work and despite the circumstance it was such a treat to get to watch her sleep. Brooklynne will only sleep in her bed, no where else; except this morning. So I just soaked it all in, every flinch and every breath. I thought about our Heavenly Father watching us in quiet moments and his heart for us.
I am just so thankful for the gift of being a mother to this little one. Even in the moments when it not so much fun...when she's not feeling good or when she is pain or misbehaving I find myself filled with joy to just be with her and be her mama.

Currently

Watching: Parenthood, I just love this show!  I have never related to a television show or movie the way I do with Parenthood.  I celebrate with them, cry with them (a lot), get angry with them (SARAH BRAVERMAN).  I think that is the beautiful thing about this show, at some point you find yourself relating to these fictional characters.  Also, I have been watching The Biggest Loser.  I love Jillian Micheals and I admire each contestant making strides to improve their health.

Listening to: Any Bethel Worship music I can get my hands on.  For Christmas Jared got me the "For the Sake of the World" cd and I listen to it or watch the accompanying dvd constantly.  If you are not familiar with Bethel I am including a link to one of their songs.

Reading:  The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.  I haven't gotten very far into this book but I loving it so far.  The book is told from the perspective of Hazel who is a smart, funny young woman who has cancer and falls for a boy that she meets a support group.  One of my goals is to read more this year, at least two books a month.  After I finish this one I think I am going to revisit an old favorite.  

Thinking about: Encouraging others.  I came across this blog recently and I have been checking back daily because I am so inspired by this woman!  Jess has an adorable toddler and she is an extremely talented crocheter.  However, I am most intrigued by her heart.  She writes a lot about the random acts of kindness and gifts that she spends her time doing.  It is so easy for me to get "so busy" that I forget to be an encouragement to the people around me.  So often I allow myself to think "Well, what can I do?" and sometimes  most of the time it is the smallest things that make the biggest difference.

This post was inspired by Dani over at Sometimes Sweet, if you are not familiar with her be sure and check out her blog!

New Blog Design

         I wanted to take a moment to talk about the new design over here at Ella Louise.  I have tried and tried to get a look myself that was simple and clean, but it seems that when it comes to technology I am challenged.  So, I searched for a design that I liked and that fit into my *small* budget and that is when I came across Emma at The Midnight Creative.  I can not say enough good things about Emma and her prompt service.  She was simply a delight to work with and I will be asking her for more help with my Facebook and Etsy store.  If you are interested in a blog redesign be sure and contact Emma!

Nature Walks and Ice-cream

        Yesterday Brooklynne and I decided to take advantage of the outdoors while the temps were 70 degrees and higher. Cold weather isn't my favorite, I'll take the heat any day. I am so glad we did because not only did we have the best time but the temperature has plummeted today. (Okay so it's probably only in the 50's or something but I am a life long Florida girl so you will have to give me a break!)
        We went out to a nature trail that is perfect for a certain curious two year old who loves to be independent. Brooklynne had the best time and is was so fun to listen to her trying to tell me about everything she was seeing. She would look out at the creek and trees then say "Let's Go!", take a few steps and do the same thing again.
         I packed a picnic for us and after we ate we headed to Dairy Queen for Brooklynne's favorite, ice cream. Her eyes lit up when she saw the vanilla ice cream swirled on top of the sugar cone.
         I love simple days like yesterday. Days of just soaking in details and getting to see things that I have seen all of my life in a fresh, new way. It's amazing the gift that our children give to us, being able to see the world again through their innocent eyes.

xo
Amanda

Happy Birthday Brooklynne!

I just wanted to share a few snapshots from our day. We won't be having an official birthday party until Sunday but Brooklynne and I spent the day with my parents and had a great time.

And suddenly she's two

In just a few short hours my sweet Brooklynne will be two... TWO! I can barely believe it.  These past two years have flown by and I have watched my tiny four pound newborn become a toddler in what seems like a blink of an eye.
  Today as she was napping I thought about the days leading up to her birth.  I thought about the anxiety of having to be induced so early because she wasn't growing, the worry that we did not have everything we needed for an infant, the fear as her heart rate dropped as I labored and the intense love I felt for this person that I had yet to meet.  Throughout these past couple of years my heart has seemed to grow everyday as I wake up and fall more and more in love with my girl.
   So much of Brooklynne's personality has come out.  It is so fascinating to watch her develop likes and dislikes and little quirks that make up who she is.  She has her daddy's kind heart and her mama's goofy sense of humor.  She loves all of her cousins and any baby she sees.  Art has defiantly become her favorite thing to do, she wakes up in the morning and heads straight to her easel.  She is scared of everything!  Poor girl jumps at her own shadow ( she might have gotten that from mama too hehe). She is funny, and sassy and so persistent.  The best has got to be her ever expanding vocabulary.  Every time she says " love you" I swear my heart melts.  And I pray that I always remember her sweet "tank you's" and "bless you".
  To my very soon to be two year old: happy birthday babes!  I can not wait to see what this year has in store for us...but do you mind slowing down just a little!?

Xo
Amanda