One Year Later

    July first marked one year of finding out that I was pregnant for the second time.  That day I couldn't help but reflect over the past year and the weeks leading up to one of the best days of my life.  As I replayed all my frustrations and tears in my head I remember how desperate I felt.   Sadly, I felt so alone at times and although I knew Jared was wanting to expand our family as well I convinced myself that there was no possible way that he could really understand.  I replayed my fears, that something must be really wrong with me.  That since it didn't happen in the past 18 months or more then it wasn't going to happen.  My sadness replayed in my head that Brooklynne may never have a sibling.  My anger that I desperately tried to mask was right there being replayed.  And even sitting with two beautiful healthy boys with me I almost got sad again....almost, but then I reflected on how much God really helped me grow in that time.  The way I learned in almost two years to lean not on my own understanding, to be vulnerable with others, the compassion that I gained for other couples.  How He loves me enough and how His grace is enough.  I've seen the way my relationship with my husband has been strengthened, that we learned to pray first.  And all I could think at the end of the day was God is so, so, so good.  

    Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says The Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."